Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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