Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
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I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
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He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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