tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
