You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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