I'm drive I can fine osifer
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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