im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i came on her dog
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My dick has a subreddit
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
