why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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