giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
