Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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