Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
