We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
