M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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