Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
