did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
