dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
