ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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