I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
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We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
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I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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