You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
