Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
