WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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