dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
