I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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