People in love make me want to vomit
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
