He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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