I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Sorry my hands just texted you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize