She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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