She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
