great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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