My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Randomize
