There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
