just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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