I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
