Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
only you would photoshop your dick
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
