Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
