omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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