he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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