So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
