After last night, I could never be a politician.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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