I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
