I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
