You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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