mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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