that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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