Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
