You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
