My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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