Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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