She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
