I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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