it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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