God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
