she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
