You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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