im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
