once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
