tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
