I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
