i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
