So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My pussy is not your playground.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
