I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
