New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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