His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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