my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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