apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
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