just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
