You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
