Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
