Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
