Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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