Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
