He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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