I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I FOUND THE LEGS
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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